What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
