i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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