Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
