google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
