your parents love me but you hate me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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