he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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