I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
