what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
