Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
