I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
