This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
