thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
