she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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