I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You are the jesus of drinking
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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