hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
