The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
