i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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