Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
