Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
