i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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