I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
