I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
