They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
