I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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