just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
