I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
