i think my tv is drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
