you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
