I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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