if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
