Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
