So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I party with great urgency now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
