You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize