3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
