I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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