Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
