I just pynch a tree in the face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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