i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
