How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's shark week go big or go home
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
