Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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