if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
