You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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