You're so nebulous sometimes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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