Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
