so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
