Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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