Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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