Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
