I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
