I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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