We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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