Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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