I'm so fucking centered right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
