I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
