yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize