Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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