Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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