I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
