So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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