I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
