writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
