Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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