dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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