Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
