sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
