At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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