Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
