She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
