whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
