I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
