I wish I only lived at night.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
