i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just tell him i said nine months
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
