Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
