My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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