Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
