You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
