no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sarcasm needs its own font
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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