we have officially lost it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize