legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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