Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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