You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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