All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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