She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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