I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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