we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
