the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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