There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
