Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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